I’m Not Supposed To Feel This Way

When you strip away a big part of your life, you feel exposed, empty, and vulnerable.

For many months, my thoughts where in constant battle.

Of giving up.

Of letting go.


At the end of the day, I’m a good woman, not perfect by any means but my intentions are good, my heart is pure and I loved hard with everything I’ve got because of those things. I am worth it, always have been and always will be.

Had a crazy bunch of days being tugged down by negative energies, blaming this self for what has happened and wishing that this self had done something different but reality is that we just can’t undo the past.


I have indulged myself to reading self-help books, watching videos and listening to podcasts on personal development, ranging from detailed accounts on depression, self-esteem issues, and more recently, of mental health, tips and tricks on beating loneliness. There’s a plenty of realizations I’ve read about myself, my behavior, my flaws and why am I feeling this way.

Stories may offer a few moments of fleeting comfort as you flick through the pages. But they are not able to take the sting out of the raw emotions that you experience first-hand, such as during those times when you are sitting alone, feeling fed up and isolated from the world around you.

Friends will always be there, would offer their shoulder to cry on and would give pieces of advice.

But no matter what support they give or do, the final battle is within you…within me.


I’ve been known as a cheerful, witty girl and a pocket rocket in the running club. Don’t really know what’s wrong with my eyes but my tear glands functions very well. It has unlimited supply of fluids. !

I’ve read somewhere that a strong woman is one who is able to smile this morning like she was not crying last night. So yes! I am then.

2 thoughts on “I’m Not Supposed To Feel This Way

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  1. I have found that with God I am never alone, and in the Bible I find his words of strength, encouragement, and peace that help me cope on the hard days. For example: “God assures us, ‘I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,’ we can boldly quote, ‘God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me'”(Hebrews 13:5-6, The Message)? I am so thankful he’s in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

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