Forgiveness

Having a hard time forgiving?
To the one who hurt you?
To the one who stabbed your back?
To the one who shattered your dreams?
To the one who caused you pain?
To the one who made you cry?
To the one who put you down?
I think no one is excuse from those experiences and many more to count.
And honestly…I’m in.
Yeah, i was once beaten, betrayed, deceived..a product of married-life-struggles (sad to say..a very common case nowadays to some women out there).
But wait!
There was one instance this morning that brought me to such realization and self-assessment.

Why I was not angry at all when somebody tested my patience and tried to provoked me to contend with their ego and boastfulness?
Unlike before, I easily screwed up!

Why I don’t care at all when somebody bullied me unreasonably?
Unlike before, I will really fight with all my might and made it sure to let them pay for what they’ve done.

Why I can possible smile now throughout the day while other’s don’t?
Unlike before, if I have a problem..it will be my whole day shadow.

Is this the sign?
That I really moved on with my tragedy? spiritually? emotionally? and morally?
That I already forgave myself?
That I already realized why those bullshit things happened on me?

I’ve gone through hatred, grudges, anger and self pity.
My dreams and visions were clouded.
All I could see was problems, all i wanted was revenge!
The human weakness tested me.
I even thought of putting my life to end.
I even question God…why He allowed those pain came on me?
Why He allowed me experienced cruelness of love?
What my partner did was terrible and evil!
The wound was so deep.
Not a number of days, weeks or months can easily heal that wound.
It took not just a year but a number of years…to totally eliminate anger and FORGIVE.

Now, I can see the rainbow again.
I am now strong because of tragedy that happened to my life.
And I am now claiming it!
I did totally forgive myself and so with the person who caused this pain.
I am grasping a right word to say how sorry I am for questioning God’s plans for me.
I believe He will restore what was lost in me.
I am so blessed to be surrounded by so much love!

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